"Am I young enough to believe in revolution? Am I strong enough to get down on my knees and pray? And am I high enough on the chain of evolution to respect myself and my brothers and my sisters and perfect myself in my own peculiar way."
- Kris Kristofferson


Just began my sixth decade and everyday, I am reminded how much I don't know. Never have I felt particularly smart, but people tell me I am smart. And, I wonder: do they see something I don't?  Are they using a different scale? And I conclude: nah, they're just being nice.


However, I just recognized one of the most important insights of my life. I look around at people and I see people do the same job everyday for 35 years ; men who go to the same job at the mill for 25 years; families following the same routine everyday, every week. Those same people come home after "work" grab a beer or 12, watch some television or get on the computer, eat dinner, then more television or computer before going to bed or passing out on the couch. If they take time off or go on a vacation, they go to the same family cabin or grandmother's house. It's a big deal once a month to go to the supper club and meet up with the same friends they've met at the same supper club for 25 years and order the same thing they always do to eat.


Am I different? Damn, fuckin' A straight I am! I cannot be stagnant! R. Buckminster Fuller said, "As soon as I draw a circle, I immediately want to step out of it." Not being as astute as Mr. Fuller, I often take the hard route in stepping out of that circle or bucking other people's expectations of how they think I should do something.
I'm just not aware at the time how I subconsciously sabotage myself out of those binds. But, I am glad that I do. Otherwise, I surely would have died from stagnation and boredom by now.


The point I'm getting to is, I am not dumb, but I think to myself that I am because I consistently put myself in new situations when I reach the point of a boring, redundant routine. Essentially becoming a beginner through a new job, or a new town, or new relationship, or new responsibilities. If I did the same thing day in and day out for 25 years, I might feel smart because I would be an expert on that tiny, insular, protected from new disruptive information, existence. Being regularly and frequently exposed to new knowledge, challenges, disappointments and victories keeps life interesting, fresh and exciting! I refuse to be that entitled snob who has it all figured out for everybody else because they have worked hard at the same printing machine for 25 years and consider themselves the true, hard working American. They can't help it that someone like me wasn't clever enough to figure out life at 18 when uncle Bub III got them on at the plant because he had been there for 25 years after his uncle Bub II got him his job. You see, they are connected and important because they know they figured things out at a young age. (By the way, uncle Bub II croaked six months after he retired because he was thrown into a world he knew nothing about and had no clue how to adjust).


Now, the big question: Am I young enough to still have that fight in me to go where life is uncomfortable? Am I strong enough to resist the urge to conform? And, am I high enough on my own sense of self to believe that I am young enough and strong enough.


"My, oh my, what's a guy to do? The time is right, time to make a move. This is hard to take, I can hardly wait, I can't help myself." John Fogerty